How Dark Am I Really

I just dumped how dark my life was on a person I barely knew, but some people like that are the best to vent to, because they have a clean unknown slate about you. Your emotions and soul pours out onto this person and all they can see is the pain in your eyes and the pain and torture your soul has gone through. She asked me what I did for a living, and it made me realize something, it made me realize that the very little things I do are literally the only reason I'm still alive. I write poetry because day by day there is always a different moment that brings me different feelings of pain. I draw because it relaxes me and brings me deep into my childhood where nothing ever bothered me, I only had my innocent habits to keep me happy. I watch this man on youtube known as Markiplier, and he helps me remember all of the little things in life that I should be happy for, he's my idol because inside and out that man has saved so many lives just by being true to himself, and that's as pure as it gets when it comes to happiness. He's helped me from suicide many times and many others around the world, he's an angel and that's all I can say. Finally, I play videogames because it's an escape from reality and it makes me forget about the daily challenges of life I deal with. So in summary, in most people eyes I am doing nothing with my life, but what I'm really doing is fighting to stay alive and that's about as hard as one might think.
-Danielle Carver